wow it smells like a Pink Floyd concert tonight
> Joke with friends about the awkward girl at work with the beard going to the spa to try and get a boyfriend/laid at the Calgary Stampede
> Plans to sit at home in underwear eating cheezies playing video games.
Today, one of my buddies in the Meat Department said I looked like Michael Cera.
Bringing the grand total of people who think I look and act like Michael Cera this month up to a whopping:
- Walk into cooler, smells like salmon.
- Meat guy: Haha it smells like pussy in here.
- Me: Dude, I doubt you know what pussy smells like.
- Meat Guy: Yeah, I do. I get pussy everyday.
- Me: Judging by the way you talk about it and how much you SAY you get I highly doubt that.
An ounce of green onions is a lot but according to my boss it’s PURE FLAVOUR
JUST REALISED I HAVE TWO SONGS ABOUT EATING CEREAL ON MY IPOD
YEAH YEAH CEREAL EAT IT UP
Regina is the most awkward city in Canada.
I mishear it as ‘vagina’ every time. Every. Time.
When I’m walking home at night and nobody is around I do the Ministry of Silly Walks walk because fuck the police
So I found out a lot of my followers are sexy ladies (WHO KNEW?????) so as to not alienate them I’m going to journey into the tag ‘hot guys’ and bring back some spoils of war for them.
DON’T FUCKING SAY I DON’T DO ANYTHING FOR YOU